Production Date: October 11, 2010

still to come

Production Date: May 18, 2008

Over the past few years, after being laid off from my job, I was called back to work part-time. This meant that I would work 4-5 hours per day. With this in mind I could sleep in in the morning and leave work in mid-afternoon before everyone else. This also prompted a very lethargic lifestyle. Rather than get up hours before work and be at work well before I was scheduled, I would awaken about 30 minutes before work. It would take me four minutes to drain the overnight fluids and brush my teeth, six minutes to take a shower, 4 minutes to dry off, 4 minutes to get dressed and 7 minutes to drive to work. That left 5 minutes remaining once I got to work. As soon as I got into my office I would routinely boot up my computer (and being a part-time employee who's primary responsibility is not working with computers, the computer I had was OLD and took literally several minutes to boot up). While the computer was booting up I would wander down to the cafeteria and get breakfast (since I was still on my own time). The breakfast of choice was the quickest thing they could make which was a breakfast sandwich You know, those things with an English muffin, bacon, egg and cheese (I could have grabbed a muffin but they were not very appetizing from appearance and the names were also questionable regarding the contents). Once it was ready, I would cart it back to the office. By this time the computer was in it's final phase of booting up. I could then eat breakfast while checking my email.

Once I was no longer working I missed those breakfast sandwiches. I thought about how I could make them at home. The hardest part was trying to get the egg to fit on the English muffin without any 'egg overhang' (yes, it's a technical term). I thought about it a lot (since I had the time to do so). I finally realized that a large can of Green Giant kernel corn had the same diameter as an English muffin. Problem solved.

I took an empty can of Green Giant kernel corn and cut off the bottom of the can (since it was empty you can assume the top was already cut off). The first time I tried this solution I encountered two additional problems. First, never lift a tin can you are using in a frying pan with your bare fingers. Use something like a pot holder. Second, spray the inside of the can with Pam or smear butter on it since the egg will stick to the inside of the can. Even following these two corollaries the egg still seemed adamant about clinging to the can. After this first attempt I returned to having scrambled eggs instead of a breakfast sandwich.

It was months later, while still contemplating this complex problem at a local pub, that I posited the question to a fellow consumer. I figured since she was female and was a single mother she might have more experience with this type of situation. Keep in mind that by this time I had refined the problem to try and complete the task in the microwave oven (since I was using pre-cooked bacon why not use the micro for the eggs also?). I asked her if she knew of any kind of container that I could use to cook eggs in the microwave. She mentioned a specialty store in the local mall that focuses on unique kitchen type of utensils (not stoves, refrigerators and the like but smaller, more important things). Since I had already tried other more mainstream stores I wandered down to the mall to this particular store. I looked around for a bit (a very crowded store - referring to items rather than customers) until a sales clerk approached me. I thought I would make my question generic so I could increase the breadth of response from which I could determine the best avenue I might want to pursue (this type of questioning has resulted from using search engines too much). I asked her if she had anything that could be used to cook eggs in the microwave. She said there were a number of choices. She showed me a couple of items that could be used to create hard boiled eggs in the microwave. All the time she was describing them I'm thinking of whether this is appropriate for my task (deep down I was also realizing these items weren't appropriate but I so desperately wanted a solution I was even willing to consider buying one). Finally, as I was getting a bit frustrated with not finding something more suitable she pulled out a product called... wait for it.... the Breakfast Sandwich Maker. My mind started reeling. I couldn't believe there was such a thing. It was egg-xactly what I was looking for and more because it came with an instruction booklet. What more could I ask for? I purchased it, ran to the nearest grocery store and purchased all items needed to make some breakfast sandwiches. The Maker allowed for the making of two sandwiches at the same time. This breakfast sandwich maker not only cooks eggs to the same diameter as an English  muffin, it also cooks the bacon at the same time!!! Who woulda' thunk!!! And, it was less than $15 and is dishwasher safe!!! I can honestly say that this was one of the best purchases I've made in my life (maybe I should create a page that has a list of all the 'best purchase' I've ever made). Oh! As a final note, the Green Giant can is still useful. It's also the same diameter as a slice of cheese so I use it to create a perfectly round piece of cheese for the sandwiches.

The pictures for the breakfast sandwich show the Breakfast Sandwich Maker in varying stages of use as well as the final product which tastes great. I've also included the website for the Breakfast Sandwich Maker in case you want to purchase one for yourself.

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Production Date: April 13, 2008

Sometime in late 2006 and/or early 2007 I often saw a television commercial from KFC that showed a mixture of chicken chunks, corn and mashed potatoes mixed together. I checked both KFC outlets in town over the next few months and neither had it. It was, apparently, a U.S. concoction and not available in Canada. That was disheartening. It really looked good. I often thought about it and finally decided to take matters into my own hands.  I decided to make the KFC concoction but to make it more like a traditional shepherds pie. I've made shepherds pie before, well actually I called it Shepherds Pie à la ChefJoe. I cooked all ingredients separately then mixed them all into the pot in which the potatoes had been boiled then mashed them stirred it up. It didn't look anything like a traditional shepherds pie but it did task like one. It was also easier to make.

Anyway, I had four cooked chicken breasts left over from my often broiling of eight to ten chicken breasts. I usually cut up about six of these chicken breasts and mix them with rice that is cooked in a cheddar cheese sauce. The remaining chicken breasts I then slice as needed for sandwiches. These four leftover chicken breasts had a new and novel fate in store. I decided to make Chicken Shepherds Pie.

I ran to the grocery store and bought some potatoes and corn. Now I could have bought some of those instant potatoes in a box but I wanted to do this right. I wanted the real stuff.

STILL NOT COMPLETED

Production Date: September 2007

One of the staff with whom I worked often brought homemade cookies into the office on different occasions (i.e., Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, etcetera). She made exceptionally great cookies. The kind you yearn for more after they were all gone (maybe there was something addictive in them?). One day I told her about how well I was treated by one of the staff members at one of the local Subway stores and how she often made sure that there were fresh, soft, chewy peanut butter cookies available for me when I arrived for lunch. After telling her this story,  there wasn't any particular 'event' that would have prompted this woman to produce cookies (September is void of a valid reason to make cookies) so I offered her a challenge (really being desperate for cookies).  I told her that if she would bring in her best peanut butter cookies, I would, within a month of her delivery, bring in my own homemade peanut butter cookies. Not really expecting her to agree I felt safe (remember, I'm not really a chef and haven't made cookies other than the ones that come in a package in which you just add water and cook).

She brought in some of the best peanut butter cookies I've ever tasted.

Now it was my turn.

I availed myself of my favourite culinary consultants at www.AllRecipes.com . They have years of experience with tried and true recipes as well as new and interesting challenges. I found far more recipes for peanut butter cookies than I would ever want. Some of the recipes had way more ingredients than I would ever put in a cookie and were only called peanut butter cookies because peanut butter was one of the ingredients. Regardless, I settled on a more traditional recipe for peanut butter cookies. At this time, I would definitely like to add that I found it really unusual that to make these cookies (even after considering all the recipes) peanut butter is not the largest ingredient. Who woulda thunk!!! I had already purchased three jars of peanut butter (on sale fortunately) thinking it was the largest ingredient.

I decided to make a special kind of peanut butter cookie, reminiscent of those I so loved from Subway. I went to a local bulk food store and purchased a quantity of peanut halves. I made certain to purchase more than was necessary for the cookies just in case I decided to eat some during the cooking process (it happens).

I mixed the ingredients by hand (not having a reliable egg beater...and yes, I did wash my hands before mixing) and divided the final product into two batches. In one batch, I mixed some  peanut halves while in the other batch I did not. The second batch, without the peanut halves, would be set aside to make peanut butter cookies for those with peanut allergies.

The first batch of cookies were very well done. When I say 'very well done' I'm not trying to infer any degree of excellence but to imply that they were treading on the bounds of charcoal. In fact they did taste more like charcoal than cookies. I reported at work the next day that I had made an attempt but the attempt was not successful (since I was being questioned every day about the possibility of seeing a ChefJoe peanut butter cookie). I informed them that they would indeed see some ChefJoe cookies before the month was done.

A second attempt was made and was better but still not something I would want someone to eat. In fact, most of the second batch I didn't even eat but the word charcoal would be inappropriate to use in describing them. I was making progress. Good thing I had bought 3 jars of peanut butter.

I did learn from these previous two experiences and still had far more peanut butter and peanut halves with which to work.

Finally the third batch was successful. The fourth or fifth batch probably would have been perfect but I was running out of time. I delivered the third batch to the office. I think the staff were being very kind when they commented on the good quality of the cookies. I did like them but think I agreed with their true thoughts that 'they were OK but certainly not up to par as to that which we were accustomed'.

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Macaroni, Ground Beef and Cheese

Production Date: February 18, 2006

This is the first creation that did not involve any script, recipe or other direction. This was entirely a Chef Joe creation (simple enough to make). This included ground beef, macaroni and three cheeses mixed together (Cheddar, Colby and Monterey Jack). This was then topped off with a stringy Mozzarella cheese then placed in the big cube machine to melt all of the cheeses. It tasted great and I still have enough cheeses to do it again.

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Bread - ongoing

Production Date: ongoing

This is what a loaf of bread is supposed to look like and this is what most of my loaves have looked like since that first, odd looking loaf. The great taste is the same as that first loaf.

And, yes, I do cut off a nice thick piece after slicing it (while it's still warm) and smother it with butter (or a margarine that tastes like butter) and revel in the fantastic flavour.

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Bread

Production Date: June 11, 2005

In the summer of 2004, after being laid off, I started looking for ways to cut costs (you've heard this already in the opening paragraph of this page). While perusing the incredible deals at my local pawn shop, I came across a bread machine for $40. What a deal, I thought. I can make my own bread for less than what I pay for a loaf. After getting home I realized I didn't know how to make bread. My first thought was to go to www.allrecipes.com but then I realized I needed some specific help. I checked the website of the manufacturer and was able to download the manual for the bread maker. As luck would have it, the manual also contained more than a dozen recipes for bread. Things were looking up.

Although I bought the bread maker in the summer of 2004, I wasn't able to make my first loaf of bread until the summer of 2005. The one year delay was the result of taking the GIS-Applications Specialist program. More about the GIS-Applications Specialist program in the Raves section of my Rants and Raves page.

My first loaf looks a bit unusual but the taste was fantastic. If I would have read the manual which I so diligently downloaded, printed and bound, I would have known that one or two more teaspoons of water would have created a loaf a bread that, well, looked like a loaf of bread.

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Christmas Dinner

Production Date: December 25, 2004

I love turkey (the food). The processed, sliced turkey available at deli's just doesn't taste like turkey to me. So, when the opportunity came at Thanksgiving of 2004 I thought about cooking a turkey. However, I procrastinated until Halloween so I was too late. However, I knew Christmas was coming soon so I started my plans early. Again, I consulted with professionals and my favourite website www.allrecipes.com and made all the notes I could. I purchased all the necessary ingredients and organized myself for Christmas day. On Christmas eve, I ran though a few trial runs to make sure I got all the steps in order. By midnight, I was amazed at how easily this should be. I was ready. On Christmas day, after opening all of my presents, I pulled out my list, checked it twice then, with a twinkle in my eye and some Jack in my stomach, I began. It turned out flawless. I was truly amazed by the final result that I didn't want to eat it, just look at it and take pictures. However, Jack is a good appetizer, so I did eat it. 

For those of you who might think my 'presentation' is rather tacky, I'll have you know that the food is the important part of the meal, not the kinds of dishes you use. I'm not out to impress anyone, just to create some good, tasty food.

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Scalloped Potatoes and Ham

Production Date: August 11, 2002

One night at my local tavern I happened to be chatting with a young woman who was awed by the tales of my culinary skills during my previous foray into the kitchen ('awed' as in 'she was being polite). I indicated that I was up for the next challenge, having mastered the pot roast, but couldn't come up with a suitable venture. She thought for a moment and suggested scalloped potatoes and ham, a specialty of hers. After thoughtful consideration, and recognizing I had a 'scalloped potatoes and ham' professional in my company, I decided that it appeared to be a considerable challenge and a great opportunity (having the company of such a professional). For the next couple of hours, and who knows how many drinks later, I was able to understand the directions from her regarding how to master this challenge. Although she had explained it to me a number of times that night, it wasn't until a few nights later when we met again that I got her to write down the directions. The picture you see shows the completed creation going into the oven. Unfortunately, the scalloped potatoes did not turn out so the post-production picture was not taken The ham, on the other hand was incredible.

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Pot Roast

Production Date: June 9, 2002

After consulting with a number of professionals, I was able to combine their collective wisdom and create my first pot roast to perfection. Amazing as it was, the second attempt was marred by poor quality gravy. However, further analysis and a reliance on www.allrecipes.com helped me to create, on my third attempt, a pot roast that equalled the original.

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